| If plants could choose . . . |
| The election is over; long live democracy. Whew! Life returns to normal. Elections are absolutely a human invention, not bothered about by the realm of plants and animals. If plants and animals could vote, petition, and control their direction like humans, imagine the resultant chaos. |
| Pretend that the same way Cinderella enjoyed a few hours of magic, plants were granted a brief period of cognizance and mobility, so they could move to wherever they desired. There would be a stampede of trees, shrubs and whatnot, all elbowing each other in a mad scramble to get a better site. The competition borne out would be messy enough to make one proud to be human. Your rhodie might head straight for the compost pile or wherever organic soil was deepest. Dusty jade plants would take a tepid shower. Rosebushes would seek absolute full sun, perfect air circulation, and well cultivated soil. Sunburned Skimmia, Aucuba or Daphne would flee to shady places. Ivy would smile as it redoubled its efforts to methodically conquer the earth. |
| It'd be a free for all shocking to behold, and when the clock finally struck midnight, whereupon every plant was frozen in its new permanent spot --what would be left in your yard? Are your plants truly content where they are? I know some of my prized pets would be gone forever if they had their chance. My pineapple sage would fain go right back to Mexico; my eucalypts would fly to Australia. Doubtless a few neighbor's plants would gladly take up residence in my garden. |
On a serious note, November is actually a superb time to play musical chairs with your plants. If you want to variously move some, replace some or add some, it is a safe time to be digging and remodeling the garden. The conditions are generally just right: plenty of clouds and moisture, no searing sun, and usually no arctic freezes. Most plants slow their growth, or stop altogether. Therefore, aim to make your plants so content that they'll never want to leave you or vote for a new gardener.
(originally published in The Seattle Weekly, November 1996)
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